If only I could turn back time..

Sometimes, I wish I could turn back time to correct the choices that I have made. But what's done is done. I now have to face the music. I have so much pain that I can barely contain myself from breaking down. I am an emotional wreck.. just an emotional wreck..

I wish I could turn back time... If I could, then you'll be the victim and I'll be the one distressing your life. If I had done this to you... What would have been your response? Would you be like me?..( Saying nothing- as eyes that say all ).. Or like yourself?..(Killing a living person).. Have u seen a dead person alive? If not... here I am, as I have no stance inside of me now. Then why do I love you?.. Why do I cry? Why is this all happening to me.. Why not you? I wish you all the misery you have caused me, I wish u all the discomfort u have put me through, I wish I could turn back time...

Make My Day...

Go ahead and make my day. Drop me a line and let me know how you're doing. I'm sometimes as slow as snail mail in getting back to you, but I want you to know that I'm glad I met you. I think about you every day, and I'm always hoping the best for you. I look forward to hearing from you. You really know how to make my day...

A Mystery..

There are nine people hidden in the picture below..

Can you find them all?

Good News...

..The bad news is that you're not feeling well, and the good news is that you'll get better soon. Never forget that good news always comes with the bad. Even watermelon seeds that can break our teeth clog our garbage disposal, and, in general, annoy us, are meant to bear lush fruit. You've had the pain, and now the melon is on the way. Does this make sense to you?...

Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Like You..

The longer I know you, the more I'm convinced that our friendship was made in heaven. For my life has been touched and enriched by you in more ways than I can count. Just hearing from you gives me a lift that gets me through the day. And whenever life is weighing heavy, knowing that I have a friend like you, who's cheering for me makes all of my troubles lighter. And I want you to know that I appreciate you and hope that I can be as good of a friend to you as you are to me..

Someone Dear~

I'll always think of you as someone dear, someone who has always been there to touch my heart and dry each tear. If I didn't have you in my life at all, my hopes and dreams would have dwindled until they became too small to see. I can't imagine how empty my life would be without you. You helped me grow, and though it's long overdue, I want you to know. how much I care. You came into my life with sunshine to share. And I'm not too blind to see that you've always been cheering for me. You've raised my spirit and encouraged me in so many ways, that I'll be grateful to you until the end of my days. And though we're many miles apart you still touch my heart. Year after year, I'll think of you as someone dear, and as always, I'll wish you were here.

A Time For Us..

..In this current age, a time of need, for every race, colour and creed, the word recession is what i keep hearing. How we see things is just our version, whereas my sight shows me a great clearing. The creation space amongst the chaos, which is designed specifically to work in your favour, let me explain as it could change your behavior. So many of us have been stuck in our ways, doing something we say we enjoy just because its pays. When deep inside within your heart, is an idea, a dream just waiting for a jump start. A spark, a push an encouraging word, all that baby wants is to be finally heard. We all have it within and what stops us is fear, so is it possible that this could be your year? See losing your job, your safe and secure blanket, is really an excuse for you to crank it. This recession is breeding ground for your true deserving wealth. How so many feel weak and helpless with the current state, how you feel the government has taken everything from your plate, how they let us down and failed to see, how to avoid what we think is a great tragedy. Like i said before, this is breeding ground, for entreprenuers, new ideas and those downward bound. Look at yourself and increase your chance as it is possible to change your circumstance. Just as we can predict by continously eating ant excercising, we can predict our future based on what we are comparemising. What can you do to increase your chances of success? where can you go to learn, grow and digest? You hold all the answers to your current dire straights, just asking direct questions is what it really takes. So ask the question and increase your chance to control the future of your circumstance.

~Sleepy~

~..why am I so sleepy this day arrr.. This is strange.. I just doing my routine job. Watch TV, study, eat good food.. Although I sleep early at night (usually bed time..) still, I feel sleepy during the day. Wakeup on time every morning, doing every morning routine.. but still in the afternoon or almost evening (around that time..) Im getting sleepy. Im wondering if this is because the hot weather. Ohhh~ this is not good. I don't like this. I'm not that kind of 'Sleepy Head'.. But this few days, this kind of strange sleepy problems make me think of something. Owhhh Gee~~~...

..What should I do..?

~I Remember..~

~..I remember that... My childhood was fun, tough and exciting, my childhood was one.. Where there wasn't much fighting. This is my childhood, my childhood was filled with family and friend. I remember that my childhood was filled with love and lots of happy holidays, with tricycles and bicycles, with lots of classwork and homework, with parents that do work and I remember an annoying loving brother and sister's, This is my childhood.. with a grandmother that was caring and loving. When I left her, I was hurt but it's for the best. I remember the good and happy times we shared together. This was my loving childhood, that I will not forget ~ my childhood..

~..K.L..~

Last night I really couldn't sleep because of something. Trying to but still (ayaaahhh..ni macam susah lai mau tidur..). Tiba², perut terasa lapar pula. Memandangkan lauk² dan segala²nya pun sudah habis di makan, ternampak pula Mi Maggi.. Bah, dari kebulur makan saja la.. Everyone already in their dream land, Me...? with my "Mi Maggi".. (^_^). Sudah makan rest kejap (nda buli terus² tidur. Nanti ada PJK..).

~In My Dream Land~.... =_=...~ Nda kesedaran sudah jam berapa sya tertidur (yang penting 'modop'..)

~Morning Dew~.. sya still in dream land. Suddenly, my phone ring (sepa saja yang menganggu tidur ku ni *sighh*).. I reach my HP and it's my mum calling.

Me:Halo~(still mamai² lagi..)

Mum:Halo~

Me:Nokuro daa Dii?(~Dusun slang~)..

Mum:Bisuk sia mau pi KL ni..

Me:KL?..betul² bah?.. sepa kawan ko? buat apa sana?..(to many Q's..)

Mum:*cute laugh* sia sorang saja *cute laug*..(mc nda menjawab soalan sya lagi..)

Me:yang betul² ma. Ko sorang² ja pi..?

Mum:*laugh* Eya bah. Sia mau pi Kotu Lombiding~KL~ (mean picking lombiding leaves).*laugh*

Me:*laugh*..wahhh pandai ko kasi kana² sia pagi² aa ama..(me, still mamai² juga biarpun ketawa²..)

Mum:Hehhe..

..there you go. My mum always being naughty with me. (^_^) yeah.. I love my mum so much. I know she being like that coz she miss her daughter. Teda pompuan kawan dia di rumah.. just my brother (siou ama, nanti sya pulang juga kasi kawan² ko..). Well, layan saja la karena dia ni.. nda dilayan nanti merajuk hehheh... Im so happy this Thursday my mum will come to KK (gaji sudah lai time tu..). Mau minta belanja dulu sama mama yang ku sayang²...(^_^)


~Ok.. that's all. Just remember love your mum. A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.

My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. Most of all the other beautiful things in life come by twos and threes, by dozens and hundreds. Plenty of roses, stars, sunsets, rainbows, brothers and sisters, aunts and cousins, comrades and friends - but only one mother in the whole world..

~Mother - that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries..

~..end of story..~

I Am Your Daughter, You Are My Mum..

Mother and daughter relationships are complex because the daughter looks to her mother as a role model of what a woman is. As she grows up and sees other woman who live their lives differently, she chooses between imitating her mother or other significant influences in her life. As an adolescent she may come to look down on her mother and think that other woman are much better. Of course she is not a fully grown woman so she does not understand the challenges and choices that her mother faces. It is only when she herself becomes a woman that she can fully appreciate her mother.

I am your daughter, you are my mum..

Do you know you should be proud, im not shy i'll say it aloud. Mum I love you for showing me how, I look at you and think WOW...! one woman can do so much, with just a mothering touch. I see my self now look what youve done, you've made me who I am I feel like i've won. I am sensible, I am smart, I am lucky and im happy, never mind the bit about me been wappy!! Mum I love you dont ever forget, I will tell the world and never regret. You taught me what to do, be a daughter that's soon enough be a mum.. be just like you. Mum I want you to know I am your daughter and you are my mum. I will be there no matter what, even if you tell me not. I am yours and you are mine, we'll sit together and never whine. love you mum xoxo...!!!

In Their Eyes~

~I walk into a crowd with my head held high and slightly proud. But I soon halt my confident walk and balk, because it's a crowd made of eyes, and my earlier confidence seems like a pack of lies. I feel like I'm being hit by thousands of stones as the stares of the crowd strike me to my bones, and I frantically search for a place to sit because the crowd made of eyes is calculating, analyzing, staring, staring, staring, and I don't know if they like what they see. I sit down in an inconspicuous spot and become part of the crowd of eyes; searching, staring, sneaking, peeking, seeking a new victim..

~My Journey~

~..I thought it was where the sidewalk ends, But it was where I found my journey about to begin. My dark skies cleared and the sun came in. I've taken my first step on the road and I'm headed down the bend. The gravel makes it hard to walk and to stay in a perfectly straight line. But I do my best and watch my step. I know I'll improve as time goes by. It is a road they call less traveled or is it more like one not survived. For I found so many have been here already and I wonder if I will come out alive. Like most roads, it has sharp turns and It's sometimes all uphill, but no matter how much it hurts and it burns.. I'll keep walking down this road still. The smell of the roses and the heat of the sweet sunshine.. Where am I exactly, it feels like I'm walking on cloud nine. I just let it all embrace me for the road may change with time. It could curve and swerve, you never know when it will start to wind. I have to take this step by step.. I know I get no lights or flashing signs and I guess I will know which way to go, hoping that my intuition will steer me right. So now, I'm headed down this road I've chosen. Not knowing where I'm going yet.. The sky turns a hundred different colors. And the sun slowly begins to set, So for the night I will rest underneath the stars. For the road is not lit, I can't see the way.. But I know the end cannot be too far, I guess I will just have to wait for yet another day..

~end of story~

The Day..

It’s my life and I’ll live it the way I want to! Life is like a pack of chewing gum; I’ve yet to figure out why. I have a life! I simply chose to spend it online!! If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you will never enjoy the sunshine! I’m the author of my life; unfortunately, I’m writing in pen and can’t erase my mistakes… Life is uncertain – eat dessert first. Reality continues to ruin my life… Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame. I will tell you the meaning of life. But first, you must promise not to laugh!! Life isn’t weird! It’s the people in it… If life hands you lemons, throw them back and demand cookies! Don’t you want to hang out and waste your life with me?! Opportunity may only knock once in a lifetime, but temptation always has its finger on the doorbell. The world will always spin, but not always the way you want it to, if you wait someday miracle will hit you. Give life a chance to touch… Life is like a video game, except we don’t have extra lives, retries, pause or continues. A creative life is a fulfilling life… as long as you can deal with a few loose screws. I’m ridiculously awesome; therefore I live a ridiculously awesome life with ridiculously awesome friends!! Life is simple!!! But it is up to you how you live it!!! Nobody ever said life was easy…they just promised that it would be worth it.

..Scars..

~..Scars are like memories, and tattoos. When you fall, when your heart breaks, and when your best friend turns her back on you, it leaves a scar that can hurt every-time you think about it. It’s a memory that is stuck in your head. It’s in the past, but it comes back and bites. It’s a tattoo because it’s a memory that hurts, but doesn’t disappear. It never does. When you see it so vividly, you sometimes regret what led to the scar that is a memory that leaves an imprint in your life’s history.

..~end of story~..

I Am..~

..you will never know if you ever loved someone until you lose them. because in that exact second that you know that you will never say “i love you” again, you will feel it. either nothing, or one of the greatest pains in life. you wake up and its not the same, life that is. because you know that when you go to bed that very same night, that you will be sleeping alone. so when you have someone who loves you, dont ruin it. sometimes the only way to get over someone is to let them become just a friend, to show them that maybe sometime in the future you can have a chance again, keep them close but never ask for a second chance, dont show weakness. they feed off it like savages. if you love them, then show it by laying off, taking a break, and showing that you can make it without them, even if inside, you dont want to..

~..I am sorry about never trusting you, i am sorry for always hurting you, i am sorry i can’t be who you want me to be, i am sorry i can’t be perfect, i am sorry for our past experiences, i am sorry i can’t be your dream girl, what i am aiming for is i am sorry i am not good enough to be with you. I really miss you..

Mid-Term..

~Today, Im taking my mid-term exam. Although it's only 25Q (45 minutes) and MCQ, still not easy to choose the right answer because it's requires the most accurate one. The mid-term begin at 9.00am until 9.45am. *sigh..* MCQ betul² buat sya mengantuk.. Apapun, sya tetap menjawab dengan tenang.

~After 45 minutes and fin's all those stuff, I went home (malas mau lama².. panas betul ni dunia sekarang). Sebelum sampai rumah, singgah lagi di post office (cek² surat dulu, mana tau ada surat penting (^_^)..).

~Sampai rumah ja pasang kipas (semua kipas yang ada..) tersangat la panas dunia ini. Pasang tv sambil makan, ambil minuman sejuk (fuhh..lega!!).

~Sya disuruh untuk cuci memcuci (seperti biasa la...). Selesai semuanya, rehat sambil tunggu my fav drama.

~Petang², sedia untuk masak malam. Simple menu tapi tetap mengenyangkan perut.

~Malamnya, seperti biasa makan bersama. dorang tengok tv sya menonlinekan diri hehhe.

~end of story~..

Yeeppiiii...!

Huuhhh.. today my sister and I (again..) went to the Korean class. We always get in early so that no one can take our place (hahha..). Of 'couse, before the class begin.. br1st dulu ma (^_^). Hmm.. macam nda ramai pula students hari ni.. Well that's ok..as long as we enjoy today learnings.. The class begin with greeting to our "seonsaengnim"~meaning teacher~.. Every week we will do revision of the basics Consonants+Vocals=45CV.. That a lots to memorize. With 45CV, you can make any words.. Bh, study.. study.. study and so on..it's almost noon. "seonsaengnim" lets us take our early rest because she have to attend seminars this evening. Im still full.. dehhhh. Anway, makan saja la.. it's free juga..(^_^). After 30 minute rest, sambung lagi belajar balik.. Hmm Im a bit blur. Punyalah cepat dia mengajar hari ni.. ~bla..bla..bla..bla..~ 2.30pm class tamat (will be continue again next week). And today finaly, we can bring our "book" (happy (^_^)..). Bukan alang² lagi. It's been order from Korea. got translation lagi.. Yeeppiiii..! It's also free ma.. students can have it. Seperti biasa, habis kelas.. masuk toilet dulu... Hari ni kami nda singgah di HiSeoul. Memandangkan my brother in lo nda dapat ambil, terpaksalah kami naik bas (menambang lagi..). Turun di depan bangunan RTM (mau singgah di Karamunsing kunun...). There's some funny part happen today.. Nasib la teda orang perasan.. Terus kami nda jadi pi Karamunsing.. terpaksala call my bro in lo datang ambil. Hmm.. lama la juga kami menunggu kana ambil. But the best moment, instead of terus balik rumah.. we decide to melawat my sister new home (they will moving in to new house very² soon..). Ntah kenapa, tiba² terasa mau makan ABC pula.. Ya la kan, kali cuaca panas ni la yang buat saya mau makan itu ini yang sejuk².. Bah singgah lagi sana "best spot" tempat yang paling sedap makan ABC.. Huhh panas juga tempat tu, last² kami "tapau" balik ja (bagus makan di rumah..nda paya kontrol² ayu..). Dipendekkan cerita, we are having fun in class, enjoying the ABC.. and we own "that" book..~end of story~

P/s: sempat lagi Online~Monday got Mid-term lagi *sighh..*

~Korean Influence~

Hahaha.. ni la bah kalau sudah terpengaruh dengan budaya lain. Tapi bukan lupa juga budaya sendiri la.. ini cuma untuk mengisikan sisa² kehidupan yang ada.. Live life to the fullest orang kata (^_^).. Getting into Korean class, Watching Korean channel-->KBS World<-- and trying the Korean food~ Wooooh.. interesting!! Last Saturday, my sister and I (again..) enjoying Korean food after fin's our Korean class (while waiting for my brother in law to pick us up..). without wasting our time, we order the cheaper one (Ramen+Rice Roll+Kimchi).. Huuuhh.. not bad at all.. especially the rice roll (sodapppp...). Makan punya makan, weiii kenyang juga la.. Full blast!!

..Sudah siap makan, lepak² a few more minute (kasi turun² dulu tu makanan dalam perut..). The phone ring (bro in lo sudah sampai..) Ok..pay the bill and walk out.. Sampai rumah, rehat².. sembang².. and do the other thing.. That's night, buat ulangkaji (ada ujian bulan depan oo..)


..Wahh Im in double trouble sudah ni. I got Mid term next week and after that Korean test.. OMG!! Can I..??? Well.. like before, try the best you can. (^_^)...

Bah.. I think this is enough for today.. Tengah malam sudah (go to sleep...) ~end of story~

Humor For A Teacher's Heart..

~..One Monday morning, I went to the library (like usually..) to find some information@resource that related to my assignment. Yepp..my final year really busy now. I have to go here and there to get what it's needed. Most of my time are in the library (yeah...) Library~my second places to hangout. But sometime if I stay there to long, i'll get sleepy because of the air conditioning (^_^).. Who doesn't like right.. Being inside is better that being outside that hot like "what so ever"..*sighhh*..

So, looking for this and that books are not easy (actually).. Why?.. because those people "pandai ambil, xpandai kasi balik" where it's belong. Although there's a sign for any kind of books.. Well, I manage though to find what Im looking@wanted for my assignment. Bah..that time la I start to take note everything.. (sorry..saya langsung nda layan gelagat orang bila saya sudah membusykan diri..).

..One book to another book, I manage to get all the information@resource.-->it's noon already and it's time to M.A.K.A.N<--.. Hahahha makan lagi (Im gain more weight already..) but who care kn.. yang penting Sodapppp.. hahha. Bah enough wit that. Before I walk out from the library, I went to the ground floor looking for another book. Suddenly, I found this kind of book "Humor For A Teacher's Heart".. Hmm macam syok pula ni buku. Then without thinking to much, I borrow it. One library card, you can borrow until 4 kind of books.. Bah banyak juga tu boleh pinjam.. and i continue to find other book.

Dipendekkan cerita.. sampai rumah terus buka buku lagi. Wow.. its more than I can think about. This book was really good. There's lots of humor story between the teacher and their students and I really enjoy reading it. Kinda funny juga la.. Well you know the students behavior in school.. anything can happen. (^_^). Next time I wanna find this kind of book lagi la.. Boleh juga kasi hilang stress (^_^)..

~Reading something that give you motivations, encouragements, self-esteem, inspiration and so on are the great one. You can make your life worthy for living. As you can see now, there's lots of thing and situation that need this and this in ours life. Im not saying that Im kind of a person that's people call "bookworm", but from reading it's will teach us the good and bad.. No one force you to do this. It's from your self..Let's think about it..

..~The best of a book is not the thought which it contains, but the thought which it suggests~..

~Another thought~

~..I picked up pen and paper just the other day, Thinking that maybe I had something important to say. As the pen hit the paper, the thought had run away. So then, I had another thought. This one would not escape. So I wrote fast and furious, my thought would not abate. For mostly when I pick up a pen, It's usually to late. The thoughts come and go so fast.. the pen cannot relate. The verses fly into the wind and I write before it's too late. The jumbled words fly before my eyes. I'd like to put them down on paper before I realize that all the things I'd like to say are jumbled in a maze. How to keep the thoughts all straight?.. I really don't know how. I try to do my very best, just like now. Sometimes the lines are funny, Sometimes they are dear. But always worth reading although it's often not very clear. When I talk of love and such, I wonder if it's too much. But if it makes someone smile, I know I've done my best. And if it makes your heart melt, Well you know the rest...(^_^) So when the urge to write comes on, I quickly pick up a pen.. For I never really know if it will pass this way again.

Stop It..!!!

~..Saya malas betul bila ada sesetengah "..orang.." itu cuba mengungkit kembali cerita-cerita lama. Past is past la.. No need to recall back. If you insist juga, biar "kau²" saja la yang tahu. Im not interested to know. Who care about it anymore..I don't want to hate someone, but you should know that some people don't like it. I want a happy life, so do you.. so STOP IT!! Im bored with that case. I don't say who was right or who was wrong in that's case (sendiri mau ingat la..), but please.. please.. la bah. Cukup² la tu sudah. Life must go on.. your way is yours, my way is mine..OK!! Im sorry to say this, but you should know how people feel.

~..I do what you want, when you want. Everything, everyday. I do my best to make you happy, But it seems like your never satisfied. You put everything on my shoulders, It weighs me down, to the ground, to the very bottom. No more making you happy. No more being a foot stool. I'm not going to let you walk all over me. It's time for me to make myself happy. It's time to do whats right for me. No more making you happy. These tears are now deadly. I go my days fixing things, helping you the best way I can. Now you got me doing things I'd never do.

..It's time to make myself happy and do what's right for me.. So please do it now..STOP IT!!

Holding Back The Tears..

.. Why waste your tears on someone who make you cry..?

하얗게 흐려진 그림과

지워진듯한 내 향기가

눈부신 구름 속에 가려져요

아무 말 없는 내 가슴이

천천히 맘을 옮겨보고

그 사이로 스쳐간 시간만

손에 놓여져 있어요

I'm holding back the tears

무겁지 않게 나의 마음을 매고 걸어요

가깝진 않고 멀지 않은 곳에

다른 내가 서있죠

난 울지 않아요

또 다시 두 손을 모으죠

어딘가 들릴 그 곳에

추억이 아닌 지금을 난 살아가요

바보 같지만 늘 함께 있어요

비우고 싶은 그 아픔이

온몸으로 흐르는 내 눈물을 마르게 하죠

I'm living with my tears

무겁지 않게 나의 마음을 매고 걸어요

가깝진 않고 멀지 않은 곳에

다른 내가 서있죠

울지 않아요 난

I'm holding back the tears

가볍지 않게 나의 믿음을 매고 뛰어요

높지도 않고 낮지 않은 곳에

또 다른 내가 서 있죠

작은 미소로 난 웃을 수 있죠

English translation:

a picture that gets smeared in white

And my fragrance that seems to have faded away

All get concealed by the glaring cloud

My heart that has no words

Slowly starts to move my feelings

Those times that slipped through

Are in my hands

I'm holding back the tears

I walk trying to lessen the weight of my heart

To a place that is neither close nor far

Where a different me stands

I will not cry

I bring my two hands together again

To a place that will hear it

As I live though these unmemorable times

Though it seems stupid, we’re always together

The pain that I want to let go

Dries the tears that flows through my body

I'm living with my tears

I walk trying to lessen the weight of my heart

To a place that is neither close nor far

Where a different me stands

I will not cry

I'm holding back the tears

I run adding to the weight of my faith

To a place that is neither high nor low

Where a different me stands again

With a small smile I can laugh